My over 40 Butt looks like......
69You Will Be Observing For Yourself
The Flat Tire Syndrome
Face it, after you hit your forties you turn into spongebob squarepants. Really! Just look at other women's back ends, (discreetly that is). It appears that they are either stapled down or just deflated!
Two legs disappearing into a back with a front that looks like a barrel. Small or large breasted, that too, sits atop with no indentation, maybe just a cleavage line that starts at the lower jaw and decends into the darkness. It's a crack that doesn't quit. Leaves the observer to ponder whether there's a catch basin at the bottom of that thing.
Exercise or not, these cheeks and barrel are just not all that attractive any longer. Even if your large and wide, there's only a limited few that do not look like this! Some even seem like two large heads of cauliflower rolling down a dirt road! I'll call that, "The Butt That Has A Life Of It's Own". That is a story for another day. Stay tuned for an exclusive portrayal!
Coming to a town near you!
I do believe there may be a need for a new ladies fashion store. It would cater to all those women's bodies that have issues. They still have fashion, just no sense that it looks bad.
I think I'll call it CHEEKS AND BARRELS!
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I just hope no monkeys jump out of the barrel! Thanks picklesanddrufus
Oh it is so true. You know women's magazines cover all kinds of things but not the truth about aging! LOL Ah well.... I enjoyed this very much!
Thanks so much duffsmom! Our deflated keesters are just the tip of the iceberg.
Boy, can I relate to that well written hub. You really captured the sizes and shapes, giving descriptive word pictures to bring it all to life. I would love to just have a well-defined smaller waistline. As you said that can be a story for another day
hahaha... well, now .. even at 25, most folks butts look pretty cottage cheesy.. and Ive seen a lot of em... mostly cause people seem to want to moon me a lot. :-D
Grrrreat post, Rutley.
You're kidding right? Sometimes it's not mooning....it's just a huge crack that just can't stay covered!
Wait until you get to the 50's. Not only is there butt-saggage, forget about cleavage, that area is just another place for saggage to reside.
Most can be contained with really good foundation garments, pulling all that saggage up and in. Sometimes it feels like trying to get jello back in the bowl, near impossible, but one keeps trying.
Did I mention dimples on cheeks, and I don't mean the cute ones on the face.
haha So lucky to be a guy so I don't have to worry about it much! Whew! Tight clothes on fat or really old people should be outlawed! Just sayin lol! Thanks for the laugh!
Glad you enjoyed it Shawn!
I'm glad I'm still in my thirties, working out almost all my life to actually prevend such a butt:-)
Meaning I will have one like that anyway around my fifties I guess. Nice Hub!
Hopefully not! Thanks for the comment.
Good Hub. You know your butt sags when you can feel it against the back of your leg when you walk naked! I'm at that stage in life.
Thanks Mary.....I know all to well but I keep trying!
Wonderful hub, and very creative. Up, and away I voted. Great work. Merry Christmas.
Right back at ya! A joyous holiday to you and yours! Thanks for the comments!
Loved the article! Funny-thanks for the chuckle.
Funny yet true! Some people REALLY need to do a triple take in a full length mirror before they leave the house. There are certain areas of the body that should NOT be seen in public!
Too funny. I can relate
Very cute. I'm sure your butt is too!
If you have on sunglasses with really dark lenses that don't show cottage cheese.
"two large heads of cauliflower rolling down a dirt road"
Hahaha! This is funny. Love it all.
Voted up, up and away!
Funny stuff!
You are so funny, and unfortunately, truthful! And I am in awe of your painting talent........that shark is simply amazing. My son lives in the Keys and is around sharks all the time. Do I have your permission to post it on FB with credits to you?
And welcome to Hubpages, rutley!
Very funny and so true. Enjoy your writing.
This is soo funny. I love humor. You have a new fan..Cheers
We do need some humor to cope with aging! I really enjoyed this,
Best wishes
Tina
"Like two pigs fightin under a blanket" bet you know where that's from?? Very funny hub, and sadly true:/ :) ge
Recently I have heard this:
"You look like a person who could use these "vitamins/exercise programS" - whatever it might Be..."
If I were on the receiving end of "you look like a person..."
I would have jumped out of my pants:
"What the HELL do you mean?"
I do have issues, but they are mine. So, cater to issues, I will cater to the issuers and issuees.
TO THE BARRICADES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not sure whether this is a negative comment, but thanks anyway.
Honey I am 55 and I am not talking LOL Funny hub
The irony is that young women just do not believe this will ever happen to them! And, then--years too soon--it does! At a certain age, after one's vanity has taken hit after hit, acceptance sets in.
I'm not suggesting that women should give up and give in to the indignities of aging if they can afford the cost of fighting that battle. It is an expensive one!
Voted UP and FUNNY.
Jaye
Thanks for making my day! Unfortunately, you made it a depressing day - just like my 60 year old body. 60 is the new 30 my ass!
Anyway, funny stuff and voted beautiful. We'll just have to learn to love the lumps.
And the bumps, and the humps and the dumps and don't forget the frumps!
Hilarious. I enjoyed the hub. You have quite a sense of humor!
It's amazing how easy it is to be yourself, and others makes it so difficult , I won't hesitate to be one encouraging supporter .
Like it is = truth and truth has no strings attached. thanks for you kind ok's.
Bless.
'Tis truly funny! WEll done! I admire the humorous approach.
I don't like to be a dissenter, though, but I have to mention something. I'm going to be 80 in just about a month and I'm here to proclaim that it doesn't all have to go South! The biggest deferment to that happening is believing that it doesn't have to & that it isn't ordained somehow somewhere! :-)
Please - have fun - and enjoy your many years to come~however you are and choose to be!
I'm going for a minimum of age 100!
Bless your heart , and I pray that the Most High God hears your prayer. My mother is now 91 and doing fine I can be more proud .
Have yourself a wonderful holiday season and best of health to you.
Bless.
A very funny hub that I really enjoyed reading....as a 44 year old I understand your point of view...voted up and fun. Merry Christmas.
Oo-hh dear...but at least I am in your good company!! Thanks for a good grin!
Thank you all!
Now that you are done making fun of the female anatomy, do one for the male anatomy - if I can't stop aging I can at least laugh at it. :)
Every clothes shop in this neck of the woods has a CHEEKS & BARRELS department tucked around the back somewhere that caters for civil servants and passed-over secretaries (that no boss in his right mind wants perched on his knee). Trouble is, you see the ones that look good and you'll find the tuck marks in some interesting places... usually the more off-putting ones. Wonder what'll happen with 'Posh' Beckham when she gets to that age? Is it worth following up or should I take a nip of Jack Daniels first?
lol, now this hub takes the cake when it comes to humor, I love every last bit of it. Awesome! voted up
Happy New Years
Maybe the store should be Flat Butts R Us!
Again this is hillarious. Great job.
More like TUCKBUTTS'R'US. One thing most of them are not is flat. Then there's also CREASEBUTTS'R'US. If you saw some of the 'Sugar Dumplings' in this part of the world, maybe 'BRAINBUTTS' would be a better description (you've seen pictures of brains with all the folds, and the shape...)
Flat Butts R Us! LOL!! I'm only 17, so I've a while to go, but I then again, have no butt. I am as flat as a flapjack, and I don't mind. *cheesy grin* Makes it easier to walk by people in the movies or between desks. And there is absolutely nothing to sag anyway, because of the strange fact that I was born seemingly without buttcheeks. : P Beat that!
This had me rolling..Butt I'm not gonna go there up and funny!
Very funny article, your articles are so good. I will making your hub a regular part of routine.
Haha made me laugh. . Gladly this occurs when we have finally come to accept ourselves...at least most of us.... flaws and all! Barrel of cheeks and all.
Ain't I so glad I was skinny when young, so when I got married, I had only few inches of thickness around. I'm 65 and it's no trouble keeping my form, except around my tummy! Hahaha! I guess everybody who reads this goes right before a mirror because I'll go check again! Funny, vote up!
Ha, beauty is within. I think that more people should be concerned with being healthy and happy rather than being sexy. Although having a combination of health, happiness and sexuality will be a good balance to have. Although it is not necessary.
My wife turned sixty in September and still has the curves she had as a world class gymast in her late teens--only with more muscle.
On the other hand, she's also got a list of ailments as long as your arm and unremitting pain 24/7. Maybe a bit of deflation would have been a better bargain....
Maybe the best solution is a bit of hard graft with the Hoover - we used to have an ad on TV for 'Shake'n'Vac' where the lady with the vaccy danced around the house with it to a Rock anthem - and knees apart, bend, pick up the laundry basket, waltz around the kitchen and out to the washing line. That should take care of the back and front, now for the bum massage - sit on the toy-boy's lap and pretend to be a jockey on the Grand National!
He he! This article is so funny! I tell everyone, "I have the body of a God!." "Budda!" HE HE
Thanks for all the comments, especially you men out there!
Hi rutley
My butt is bigger than yours butt, Who's judging!)
Cheeks and Barrels too funny. Make sure they have clothing for the flat butts too. Like where is it? Is it shrinking with the height? Great fun you are. Hugs and love.
Haha, here's a tip for y'all. Buy an inversion table, climb on it, and pull your Spanks up while inverted. So funny. I'm afraid at this stage of life, I am shaped rather like Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
Very Nice! :)
Love it! Suddenly I am not looking forward to my 40's. Nearly there though... I have this vision now that everything's going to just flop overnight on my fortieth birthday. :)
Good one...voted Up and funny! Might as well laugh!
HAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A great name for the shop. Your writngs are so entertaining and full of new ideas and thoughts. Luv your hubs. Voted up.
Thank you so much everyone!
Hello, rutley,
This a cleverly written and very amusing post. I really did enjoy reading it.
I know I do not have to tell you this, but the very similar things happen to the bodies of men who are over 40.
Personally, I am one who is past 40 and I have no idea what happened to my "six pack," tight buns and V-shaped torso.
Hey Rutley.
I am not going to make any anatomy references; but I will say congratulations for making a big splash here on Hubpages after just eight weeks on board.
Give us more.
Well slap me silly and say, "Hell, yeah, sister!"
Great hub! Loved it!!!!
Does anyone wonder why older men like younger women or vice versa?
I mean get real!
Crack Kills!
Yes it does!
My problem isn't the flat butt, it is too much butt. And the reason for that extra large tummy sticking out, is to hold the breasts up. They can't sag, if they're laying on your stomach. Until they split and fall down the sides. OOPS!!
ha, ha, ha, short, sweet and straight to the point. Imagine getting rid of that belly? If it weren't for the barrel up front, the boobies had no place to rest. Funny! I enjoyed this. Thanks
hahahahaha im officially a fan!! love your hubs!!
So funny!! Thanks for an endorphin stimulator to start off the day!
Wait, whats so bad about cauliflower? Oh, I see... Not a good look for a fanny. Thanks for the laugh and encouragement NOT to take ourselves too seriously ~and the reminder that aging happens if you're blessed enough to enjoy it (despite the effects of gravity & time).
That is true old women behind do look like to big pancakes
Really funny. voted up and funny.
Thank you for following me and I'll be following you from the west coast.
Great hub and very funny. It's good to know that nobody escapes it.
omg..... so true and thank you for saying it out loud!!! Now I understand why they sell butt cheek panties.
You just painted a smile on my face. A good way to start the day. Very funny. I am glad am not alone, I am... "The Butt That Has A Life Of It's Own". hahaha.
Ok, while I found the article hilarious and I pray it is not completely true for me, something else struck me funny.
The way the title is written it looks like "My over 40 Butt looks like......71" as copied directly from the top bar. In other hubs without the ...... I normally wouldn't have noticed the 71 hub score, but in context it only adds to the topic of the article. For a moment, I wondered why on earth your butt looked 71.
I'm afraid that the Secret Women's Hit Squad will come after all the men who read this. It has to be classified information not meant for us! Too funny!
Hahaha... I really enjoyed it..Voted up !! ;)
I really enjoyed your hub .. voted up.
I feel ya sister lol.. I am 40 and I am getting the gravity effect. Everything is going down-hill. My clothes don't fit right I'm wide like Sponge Bob. You inspire me lmao... I am in Jersey too.
I actually sprinted into the bathroom to check....yep, that's me. Laughing again! Thanks!
picklesandrufus Level 6 Commenter 6 months ago
too funny. I know what you mean....been that way for years.